Two birds, one stone

Miliband and mendacity. Lovely.

Early signs of a different management style under Brown aren’t good. This time it seems the electorate and the environment are getting shafted.

It’s almost become a running joke at Ministry Towers – as soon as someone comments or e-mails us with a dare to produce an example of a cover up/lies/duplicity/mendacity we have to wait no more than 3 days before a fresh one lands in our lap. Last time it was the Treasury under the current PM – this time, having only posted about David Miliband last week, turns out we may have discovered another reason for his accepting the Foreign Office post and putting the environmental brief behind him.

A leaked internal briefing paper for ministers from the Department for Business Enterprise and Regulatory Reform asked what options there are for “statistical interpretations” (pronounced "misleading the electorate") of the EU renewable energy target which would make the target easier to achieve.

Blair signed GB plc up to relying on 20% of our energy requirements from renewable sources by 2020. We’re currently at 2% and the dep’t reckons the best we could possibly hope for is 9% but under current policies only 5% would be achievable (2% below the EU average and 8% behind Germany).

Under Miliband’s watch the Agency for Environmental etc. affairs signed us up to the disastrous Carbon Trading Scheme and evidently wasn’t talking to TB at the time the ex-PM signed us up to the 20% goal (either that or TB didn't give a shit/was lied to by the dep't in a "45 minute to launch" kind of way - Ed)

Now the civil servants are trying to figure out if there’s a “statistical interpretation” (as opposed to a factual interpretation) to get our elected representatives off the hook.

We wonder if a company attempting to comply with the Carbon Trading Scheme could use “statistical interpretations” to establish it had met regulatory targets ?

Needless to say, We’ll be attempting to file a “statistical interpretation” of our tax returns.

And by the way - any new reader sceptics out there, don't hesitate to e-mail us asking us for examples of government mendacity - it generally only takes a few days for something bright, shiny and new to rear its head.

Miliband out of favour

Hmmm. A shift away from Miliband by his hormonal fans at Ministry Towers.

Accepting the foreign office brief did not go down well with those that “just wanted to (s)mother him” after his much talked up commitment to his previous position safeguarding the planet and its farmers.

As Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs our office males were always a little too quick to condemn the man’s track record, but now, the female cry (mid-application of heavy lipstick) of “he is committed to the environment, he’s not just another politician on the make etc.” is no-longer offered up.

In fact, it’s been more like a bleary-eyed staring into the distance, a wistful shaking of the head, a distracted return to the computer screen and an awful gnawing at the soul whilst muttering under their breath, “All men are shit.”.

Our glee is tempered by the terrible stain Miliband has left on male integrity at Ministry Towers.

We will never get laid.

Selah.

The Miliband Cometh ?

Miliband occupies a special place at Ministry towers. The office being heavily split into predatory female admiration with a deep need to see him prostrate himself and a distinct male ambivalence.

In the quest for an MP to support our bill we've already been turned down for an interview once, but hormonal levels in the office and the article he wrote for yesterday’s Telegraph has prompted us to make another request to find out if he intends to back up his rhetoric and see the light that shines in the Misrepresentation of the People Act. Here are a couple of key paragraphs ;

I'm in tune with the 'I can' generation

By David Miliband, Daily Telegraph 29^th March 07

"Politics requires many virtues - organisation, ideas, resolution, luck. But chief among them is the hardest to define: that elusive sense of being in tune with the times. Political parties succeed when they join their values to deep economic, social and cultural trends. I am convinced that a fourth election victory, and fundamental changes to the landscape of Britain, are possible precisely because a more demanding, educated, savvy population want the power and control that modern progressive politics can offer.

Since 1997, Britain has changed in some ways more fundamentally than new Labour promised. It is a different country - richer, fairer, more confident. I also think it is being driven forward by a new spirit. I call it the politics of "I can". The era of "I can" is the culmination of the long decline of deference and automatic authority. It is the late flowering of individual autonomy and control. It is, in other words, one of the founding ideas of left-of-centre politics: to put power in the hands of the people. In the "I can" era, people want to be players, not just spectators. They want to be contributors, not just consumers.”

Should he agree to the interview, it’ll be interesting to see what the female contingent will be wearing for the big day. They are a rum bunch, deviant and predatory in nature. We await his response.

Hat tip to Beau Bo D’or for the image