The Professors passion for "The Science of Deceit" started here...

Employed by the Ministry (in a covert capacity) to help introduce the law ending dishonest politics, you can see his hand all over the posts of past.

Current political circumstances have forced him to reveal himself and as we speak, MPs are signing up to re-introduce The Elected Representatives (Prohibition of Deception) Bill for debate with over 80,000 voters supporting them.

Posts before Jan '08 are purely for the record (with hindsight they make fascinating reading). Posts after May 13th mark the Professor's return.

Meet the Professor

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Spoke too soon

Oh well. Figured it was worth waiting to see if the diagnosis of a Brown U-turn on Freedom of Information was accurate. Didn’t take long for a better reading.

In our pursuit of an MP willing to support the Misrepresentation of the People’s Act, many of them countered with the fact that FOI requests are all the protection/redress the electorate needs - enforceable by law and a refusal to comply can lead to a prison sentence.

Really ?

So why would a Government department refuse a request ?

In light of Mr Brown’s declaration that his reign would be one of a more honest and accountable government we wonder if he’ll slap the Office of Government Commerce on the wrist.

In Jan 2005 (just after the FOI was introduced) the OGC turned down a request to publish the early reviews of the ID card project. Richard Thomas – the information commissioner, upheld an appeal and ruled in favour of the disclosure. Hurrahhh !!!

The OGC appealed to the Information Tribunal. Booooo.

The Information Tribunal upheld the Information Commissioners ruling. Hurrraaaahhhh !!!!

Earlier this month, the OGC has decided to appeal again – this time to the High Court.

We’ll be watching how this plays out, but one thing’s for sure – GB may talk the talk, but either his government departments don’t give a shit, or GB’s full of it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Brown U turn

More Freedom of Information...

Gordon Brown promised to reverse the Commons decision to exempt MPs from the Freedom of Information Act. "It will be corrected," he said of the legislation, passed by MPs 10 days ago.

Does this herald a new breed of democracy ?

Step 1 : Pass legislation
Step 2 : Media backlash
Step 3 : React to media backlash
Step 4 : Apologise
Step 5 : Reverse legialation

Probably not the best way to run a country (Assuming he gets to Step 5 - Ed).

Friday, May 25, 2007

Dictators take land from their sovereign subjects – without the quaint ritual

Had a bit of time to re-watch John Pilger’s documentary on the theft of the island Diego Garcia by the US and UK. It really is a shocker - the lies and shamelessness of Wilson's government in the 60's and I’d completely forgotten about the use of the royal prerogative by Blair’s government in 2004 after a court ruling in the islanders favour. Instead of using the normal legislative (democratic ? Ed) process, the Foreign Office bypassed Parliament and changed the law by use of the quaintly named "Order in Council", a remnant of the once all-powerful royal prerogative.

The Queen signed the quaintly named Order on Blair’s behalf to prevent islanders returning to the island forever. Don't forget - this was and after they’d carried out a deliberately protracted feasibility study on whether the island was inhabitable….errrr – there’s 6,000 US troops and contractors living on the fucker right now and before them at least 6 generations of islanders…. of course it’s fucking inhabitable.

The original coverage had this to say about the use of the Order in Council ;

The new order replaces the existing constitution of the territory and "makes clear, as a principle of the constitution, that no person has the right of abode in the territory or has unrestricted access to any part of it".

Richard Gifford, the London-based lawyer for the 4,500 islanders and their descendants seeking a right to return, said: "This is an absolute stab in the back. Not since the days of King John has anyone tried to expel British citizens from the realm by executive order."

In other words, a precedent was set that if the government wants to remove a British national from their land, it has the absolute right to do so via the crown.

Again, don’t forget, this was after the court had ruled against the Gov (and effectively the Crown). This makes yesterday’s ruling all the more sweet.

What also came out of the film is the fact that once upon a time, the islanders were given a hilarious £3,000 compensation for their troubles. Another action they’re taking to court. The foreign office has also got the gall to bitch about the cost of making it re-habitable for the original occupants. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to kick someone out of their home for £3,000 then lease it to someone else and pocket the profits. We wonder what the UK has received in rental income from the US over the past four decades ?

I can feel a Freedom of Information request coming on.

Heh, heh, heh.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Stealing a nation - again, it's the courts got that kinda muscle

Again, it's the courts got that kinda muscle .

We’ve been following closely the fate of the islanders of Diego Garcia. John Pilger lays out the story pretty well in this documentary - if ever there was a case for the Misrepresentation of the Peoples Act, this is it.

It’s one of the low moral points in the history of our special relationship with the US. In the cold war of the 60’s the US needed an airbase in that neck of the woods to keep an eye on the reds.

They asked our government if anywhere sprang to mind. The US only had one criteria - it had to be flat enough and long enough to support a runway capable of landing B52s. Our boys suggested the idyllic paradise of Diego Garcia. The US loved it (what’s not to love) and said they’d take out a lease once we’d got rid of the inhabitants.

Several months later, the British Governor ordered all of their pet dogs rounded up and killed. They also found that when they tried to return home from a trip abroad (generally nearby Mauritius) – they couldn’t. Any islanders left were rounded up, told their island had been sold and promptly deported. Lord Dennis Healey (Defence Secretary), Michael Stewart (Foreign secretary) and Harold Wilson were all in on the scam of pretending there was no indigenous population on the island. Parliament was not consulted.

The next 30 years were spent living in poverty, either in Mauritius or (as British subjects) in a small community near Gatwick airport. They’ve tried to get their case through the courts and won in 2000, and again in 2004. Both times the current gov’t either appealed or changed the island status to wrangle out of the ruling - without going through Parliament.

Fairly despicable behaviour. A foreign office official at the time wrote, "We do not regard ourselves as bound by the rules. In this respect we make the rules up as we go along."

Yesterday, the courts, once again, ruled in their favour, saying the government had acted unlawfully. The Foreign Office response was, "we're dissappointed." Poor things. Our hearts bleed. They now have 30 days to decide whether to appeal once more and delay the inevitable via the House of Lords. Let's see if they're actually big enough twats to try it one last time.

Once again, it seems the courts really are the only answer to government.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

only the Courts have that kinda muscle

We’ve already dealt with Lord Falconer, the (ex) Lord Chancellor/hepcat. When we interviewed him he made some strong arguments to counter the Misrepresentation of the People Act (more of which in another post) but left us with a feeling he was coming from the wrong place. Which is why he’s having a bust up with Britain’s most senior judge, the Lord Chief Justice over “not a constitutional crisis”.

The sticking point was Lord Falconer refusing to set up an inquiry into how the courts service could be protected under the new Ministry of Justice.

Alan Beith, MP, chairman of the committee looking into restructuring the new ministry, said he would not let the matter rest and the Lord Chancellor would have to give way. “I have been in Parliament for 34 years and I don’t think I have ever seen such clear anger and concern on the part of the senior judiciary.”

Keith Vaz, a committee member, said that the Lord Chief Justice’s comments amounted to unprecedented criticism of ministers by the judiciary.

As suspected – the courts may be the last authority to have enough muscle and independence to deal with this government.

We shall see. Full story here.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Restriction of Information Act, Chapter 17

Imagine refusing to show your employer copies of your business correspondence. Try it tomorrow and see if you’ve still got a job at 6pm.

One day after Gordon Brown told us his style of government would be more open and honest than the incumbent Blair, the House of Commons voted to exempt themselves from Freedom of Information requests where correspondence contains the personal data of constituents.

Essentially, it asserts there’s an obligation of confidence and a constituent may not have consented to the disclosure of personal details.

Aside from the fact that this is already covered by the Data Protection Act, there are no examples of this actually happening or of any complaints. It’s as if there aren’t enough get-out clauses for Government.

At the moment, there are 36 exemptions to disclosure under the FOI, and a further 300 statutes (not including the Official Secrets Act) that prohibit disclosure.

Of the 60+ thousand requests made since Jan 1st 2005 under the FOI, only 26,000 have been granted. Seven government departments have refused to give answers to more than half the requests they received.

There’s a legitimate argument for preventing personal details being released under FOI requests, but if they were halfway sincere in dealing with the issue, instead of giving Parliament the right to refuse a request - why not simply make it unlawful to disclose the relevant particulars without consent ? Better still, enforce the existing law.

Abso-fucking-lutely extra-ordinary. Here's a list of the gormless twats who actually voted for it. You'l notice a very poor attendance. That's 'cos 1) it's a Friday (constituency day) and 2) Gordon and his "new style of government" didn't deem it worthy of the whip.

And if you’re not convinced of their idiocy, check out the transcript of the debate in the house. We’ve said it before – it’d be hilarious if they weren’t running the fucking country.

Friday, May 18, 2007

The truth behind the stats

When the government says “tough on crime” what does it mean ?When we’re told more arrests are being made so we’re “winning the fight against crime”, what does that mean ?

David Keane, aged 6, imprisoned for throwing cucumber sandwiches

It’s one thing to lie about stats, quite another to so
cially engineer them. The Times has this to say ;

“What police describe as a target-driven criminal justice culture will come under attack today as Lord Falconer of Thoroton, QC, who was appointed Secretary of State a week ago, faces a debate at the annual conference of the Police Federation, which represents rank-and-file officers in England and Wales.

The leaders of 130,000 police officers have drawn up a dossier of “lunacy” on Britain’s streets. They say that children are being arrested for throwing cream buns and bits of cucumber and adults are getting criminal records for offences that merit nothing more than a ticking-off.

The pressure to get results is so bad, they say, that officers are criminalising and alienating their traditional supporters in Middle England and many are so disillusioned that they are considering quitting.”

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

the Bush Pilot project video

Turns out to be even more off-subject than our previous glory-find of secret footage from the Lord Chancellor when he was flat-mates with Tony Blair.

Our teutonic twat of a leak turns out to be amusing none the less. And
when it comes to foreign policy, this video explains a great deal.

Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour ?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Terrifying Brown stuff

No sign of the promised Bush pilot project video yet. We've been assured it will be with us tomorrow. We can only apologise for the unreliability of our East German contact. She professes to be scared shitless. Talking of which...

In our on-going quest to find an MP who’ll support “the Misrepresentation of the People’s Act” we’ve been badgering Gordon Brown.

Having been brushed off too many times to mention, last night, we snuck in to the Fabian Society’s hastily convened “leadership” debate in a last-ditch attempt to confront the man. It didn’t go well.

Long before we got a chance to badger him, we were spotted by the great man himself and immediately recognised.

Check out the look in his eyes - it says, “I know who you are, I know what you’re up to. I eat subversive mother-fuckers for breakfast. Look at me once more and I'll fucking have you”. Gulp. Those unfortunate enough to be sitting near me turned up their nose at the smell of fear. I was too paralysed to even mutter a denial. Besides, it could’ve been the natural odour from any of the unwashed hippies in attendance.

It took all of our courage to approach him afterwards for an interview request. His instructions were succinct ;

1) No longer are we to contact his press officer.

2) All communications should now be made via Damien McBride.

3) Vote Brown.

We googled McBride – he’s a “special advisor”. Little more is known.

Brown was less than impressed by our question, "Do you know you're flying low".

We’ll be sending in our interview request as soon as we’ve bathed.

Naturally, we’ll keep you posted.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Bush Blair minutes

Well, we were allowed sight of the leaked minutes from the White House meeting, but weren’t allowed to keep hard copies. Sure enough, it seems the "Bush pilot project" was the main focus. Yesterday saw the sentencing of the guys who originally leaked the memo - six months imprisonment a piece. Video proof should be with us on Monday.

From memory, the conversation went something like this ;

TB : I’m only repeating what I’ve been told, from what I can tell there’s no hard evidence to back any of this up

GWB : Well, there wouldn’t be – we don’t have that kinda technology so you can be sure as hell nobody else does, least of all the Germans.

TB : George I’m just telling you…

GWB : And if we had it, we wouldn’t use it.

TB : Why not ? It’d be perfect for Ghadaffi, Mugabe, Kim Jong-il …

GWB : Because it’s pure fantasy, it doesn’t exist – I’d know wouldn’t I ?

TB : Would you ?

GWB : (to aid) Get Don (Rumsfeld – Ed) in here, with everything he’s got on this Bush Pilot project.

Aid : Sir, we don’t have anything…

GWB : If there isn’t anything, why’s everyone but me heard about it ? I wanna hear it direct from Don whilst Tony’s here.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Bush/Blair memo exclusive

There are Gov. leaks that are OK and those that aren't.

Yesterday David Keogh, 50, a civil servant for 25 years who worked as a communications and cipher officer at the Cabinet Office, and Leo O’Connor, 44, employed as a political researcher for a Labour MP, were found guilty of breaching the Official Secrets Act after leaking a government document said to be a recorded minute of a two-hour confidential discussion at the White House between Mr Blair and President Bush.

The damaging contents have been the subject of much speculation, ranging from the bombing of the al Jazeera TV network to the Halliburton/Pentagon inspired Bush pilot project.

We've been contacted by a German source who insists on remaining anonymous, telling us she has a full transcript of the conversation and video proof. We're assured the real juice relates to the Bush pilot project, and that the low down on it will make Bush's suggestion of bombing al Jazeera look like chump change.

If all goes according to plan, we'll be in receipt of the transcript and video tomorrow - assuming we're not in jail.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Ministry gone dark. Moose (sturdy) needs Man (hygiene not important)

Apologies, apologies. We've had to go dark once again.

We had to move HQ not long ago - convinced they were on to us.

Thought we were fine but all of a sudden the weird noises on the phone re-appear and one of our girls gets a weird tailing-scenario. She's convinced it's a stalker. We know better - she's flattering her (moose) self.

In any case, if there are any near-sighted males between the ages of 16 and 75 (80 at a push if he's got a few quid), please e-mail us P.O. Box details and two photos (one un-dressed).

Normal service will resume once re-location is complete (probably next week). If you'd like to be alerted when this happens, sign up.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Mugabe say "Vote my friend"

Today we go to the polls.

A little more digging in yesterday's post turned up what really went on in Birmingham, 2004 prompting Richard Mawre
y QC, the election commissioner, to claim, " electoral fraud that would disgrace a banana republic"

All six councillors strenuously denied rigging the ballots and being improperly elected. During the trials, which were held at the Birmingham and Midland Institute and lasted four weeks, the court heard evidence of wholesale theft of votes in the city, with thousands of postal ballots being diverted to a "safe house" where they were filled in on an "industrial scale".

The judge said he regretted the government had dismissed recent warnings about the system's failings as "scaremongering". He pointed to a government statement which said: "The systems already in place to deal with the allegations of electoral fraud are clearly working."

Mr Mawrey said: "Anybody who has sat through the case I have just tried and listened to evidence of electoral fraud that would disgrace a banana republic would find this statement surprising. The systems to deal with fraud are not working well... The fact is that there are no systems to deal realistically with fraud and there never have been. Until there are, fraud will continue unabated."

The trial established ;

  • The Labour Party organised “massive, corrupt and illegal fraud” in which nearly 3,000 votes were “stolen”
  • One Birmingham postman was offered £500 and threatened with death unless he handed over a sack of blank ballots (he took the money)
  • Voters who failed to vote Labour had their choices removed by correction fluid and corrected
  • Small boys were recruited to nick ballots sticking out of letter boxes
  • “Short of writing ‘steal me’ on the envelopes,” said high court judge Richard Mawrey QC, “it is hard to see what more could be done to ensure their coming into the wrong hands”

Applications for postal votes continue to be handled by political parties after the government blocked efforts by the Electoral Commission to prevent further fraud at the general election in 2005.

John Prescott, Deputy Prime Minister defended the Government stance, "
It is of great importance to all of us that the number of people who vote is maximised. Indeed, postal ballots increased the number of people voting by millions."

Check out the full rub on the Birmingham Six antics.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

the Mugabe School of Electoral Engineering (Gipton, Leeds)

Robert Mugabe, Prime Minister of Zimbabwe, collaborating with the local Labour party, is establishing the first school of Electoral Engineering in the recently named "Robert Mugabe Avenue" of sunny Gipton, Leeds.

The friend of an uncle of the wife of Mugabe's chiropodist overheard him saying, "We welcome the new alliance and school. It is a wonderful opportunity to share our knowledge. Already, I have learned great things. For example, violence and intimidation aren't needed to rig an election, it's very last century. The postal vote and bored friendless students is all that's required".

In 2000, the UK government passed a law allowing postal votes on demand – in other words, you no longer need a compelling reason to vote via post. In some wards, this has resulted in 25% of the electorate registering for postal voting.

Last year in Gipton, rival candidates complained about the Labour party’s pre-election activities regarding abuse of the postal voting system ;

“At the count, the ballot boxes were opened first and the Liberal Democrats had a commanding lead. Then the postal votes were opened and they were almost all Labour. everyone present had suspicions that something was afoot.”

An undercover reporter from the Times infiltrated the local Labour party in the run up to tomorrows local elections. Local Labour activists, co-ordinated by Labour Councillor Graham Hyde, have been knocking on doors, helping voters fill out polling cards and offering to post them - a particularly effective tactic with the elderly.

The Times will shortly be handing a dossier to the police on their behaviour. This will include transcripts of secretly recorded conversations where Hyde admitted the instructions to collect postal votes were “illegal” and warned student activists,: “Don’t get caught with any on you. We are not supposed to collect them.”

Hyde then said: “We also want to check they are voting Labour as well... If they are voting Liberal Dem, then don’t offer to put the postal vote in.”

One of the students then said: “Yes, I’ll post that for you.”

Hyde laughed and added: “Yes, that’s it, and then it ends up in the toilet.”

Our understanding is that so far UN inspectors haven't been approached to monitor the voting day in Leeds, they're busy in Zimbabwe. In any case, the notion that electoral fraud would take place in the heartland of one of the worlds oldest democracies is patently absurd.

Read the full story – it’d be hilarious if it weren't for the fact that this is fucking England and it's the government's party behaving like a bunch of cunts. (sorry Mum).


Birmingham's postal vote sharply down
after a vote-rigging scandal there in 2004 which a judge said would "disgrace a banana republic". Judge Richard Mawrey concluded Labour activists had faked thousands of votes to offset a loss of support after the Iraq war.

Barrister Richard Price, an expert on election law, told BBC radio "The reason for the decline in figures is either because the people who were registered for postal votes simply didn't exist ... or because the people who did have postal votes simply no longer have confidence in the integrity of the postal voting system,"

Full story here

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

The Great Trees of Westminster

Well, we said we’d do it. And what the hell, we figured if we’re gonna moan and groan about the Freedom of Information Act’s forthcoming castration by HM Government we might as well actually use the FOI and see what it’s all about.

You may remember us going off on one over Westminster council’s insistence on pissing down the drain the cash their traffic wardens gleefully extort. Our example focussed on their recent “entrepreneurial” endeavours - for a mere 50p you can buy any one of these exclusive series of postcards, “The Great Trees of Westminster”.

Gasp at the beauty of "the Turkey Oak at Park Lane Central Reservation" or "the Maidenhair Tree of St Johns Gardens, Horseferry Road". Can you hear the sound of cash registers ringing ?

We thought it might be useful to find out via a Freedom of Information request exactly what this cost the good people of Westminster and how well the sales have gone...

As you can see, we should have some news by May 17th.